


Sunny Days

by tjmystic



Series: Birthday Fics [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Muppets/Once Upon a Time crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tjmystic/pseuds/tjmystic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cora unleashes new monsters on Storybrooke...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunny Days

Sunny Days  
Birthday Fic #3

Rating: PG (because of minor cussing)

anonymousnerdgirl prompted: Rumbelle+Muppets. Bonus points if Animal eats something in Mr. Gold’s shop and extra bonus points if Miss Piggy bitch slaps Captain Hook.

Author’s Note: Okay, so here’s my first foray into total absolute crack!fic. You have been warned lol. And since I couldn’t heal my ANG’S (anonymousnerdgirl) ruptured eardrum with smut, I decided to post her fluff today instead. Hope you’re feeling better, dearest!!!!!!!!

 

Regina raced after her mother, using whatever magic she could to propel herself forward. Cora was in an absolute state, and it seemed like there was nothing she could do to stop her. 

“Mother, wait!” she called, wrenching her heeled boots out of the mud. She never had such problems with her footwear in the old world. “What are you even going to do?”

“I’m fetching monsters for us, dear,” Cora huffed. “Real monsters. Not like that disgrace of a giant.”

“What did you expect him to do, Mother, ground David’s bones into bread and eat his spleen?”

“I only expected something, Regina. Is that really too much to ask?”

Regina bit her tongue to keep from answering the last question. “Can you at least tell me what world you’re going to?”

Cora simpered. “You’ll see soon enough, dear. We’ll see soon enough, really.”

The heel of her shoe caught in another root. “You mean you don’t know?”

“Don’t worry, darling. I read about the world first, I’ve done my research.”

With a flourish, she extracted a gold filigreed book from thin air, still simmering with dark smoke. “Do you recognize it, dear?”

“How could I not?” Regina muttered. “He used it to teach both of us for years. But how did you –?”

“Nah ah – questions later, Regina,” Cora chastised. “Magic first.”

Regina was helpless to do anything but follow her mother past the copse, eyes glaring at the well atop the hill. Cora’s portal was already up, a massive glowing thing of dark green. Something seemed eerily familiar about it, but Regina couldn’t quite place her finger on what. 

But as Cora began to chant, she suddenly remembered: green… that insipid frog…

“Mother, what page did you find this world in?”

Cora shrugged and handed her the book, already open to the right page. “It’s nothing that will harm you, dear. They will obey us.”

“No!” she yelled, rushing for her mother’s raised hands. ”You don’t understand - !”

But it was already too late. With a crack as loud as thunder, the portal splintered and scattered for the trees. All was silent until a clawed, dusty hand grabbed the rim of the bucket.

A massive figure of brown hair and fangs claimed out of the stone effigy. Regina clutched her chest, looking at Cora with horrified eyes. 

“Mother, what have you done?”

———————————————————————————————————————-

“… and, finally, your favorite.”

“Iced tea?” Belle asked, hands still over her eyes like Gold had requested.

He chuckled, lifting the aluminum-covered tin from the picnic basket. “Not quite.”

“Erm… pancakes?”

“Still wrong.”

“Hamburgers?”

Mr. Gold chuckled and lifted her fingers from her face, caressing them a bit longer than was strictly necessary. “You have more favorites than I anticipated, love.”

Belle smiled at him, her tongue stuck out between his lips. It was daylight and the shop was open, so he didn’t give in to his first desire. 

“I give up,” she giggled at him.

With a flourish, he peeled the wrapping from the pie plate. Two thick slices of cheesecake, oozing with strawberry topping, sat before them. 

“Ooooh! Cheesecake!” Belle squealed, immediately grabbing for a fork. “My favorite!”

Gold smiled at her and shook his head. Several ridiculously cheesy thoughts rounded through his head, but he refused to let any of them escape. Instead, he took her chin between his forefingers and moved their faces together. He leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, and –

BANG!

They sprang apart as if electrocuted, Gold clutching his cane and Belle reaching for the nearest broom handle. His eyes felt aflame when he realized it was no great threat, but Dr. Frankenstein with a manic grimace.

“Alright, Gold, what the hell is this?!”

Gold just barely managed to control himself. Dear Victor would have to thank his Belle for not being turned into an actual beached whale. 

“I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about, doctor.”

Whale threw his arms in the air, face so red he was surprised it wasn’t steaming. “There are two… two.. puppets, marching around my hospital trying to do my job! Get. Them. Out. Now!”

“Puppets?” Belle asked, almost at the same moment as Gold himself. She shot him a worried aside glance, but he could only shrug in response – he had no more idea what was going on than she did. 

The good doctor threw his hands in the air. “Yes, puppets! There’s one that looks like a honeydew melon, and the other is… well, I don’t know what the hell the other thing is, but it’s definitely not human!” He marched forward and grabbed Gold by his lapels, eyes twitching madly. “Gold, it blew up my lab!”

Overhead, the door bell clanged into the wall. Whale let go at the sight of Ruby stalking in, eyes roving over her tight jeans. 

“Who let the long-nosed blue freak and the rat into our diner?” she growled, far more wolf than human in her anger. “They’re eating us out of everything!”

“There’s a rat at Granny’s?” Whale asked, his nose wrinkling. 

Ruby frowned at him but her heart clearly wasn’t in it. “What about your honeydew melon that keeps blowing things up, hmm? Yeah, I heard you across the street.” 

“It’s not the melon, it’s his thin little friend,” Whale groused.

Gold and Belle looked at each other in stunned bewilderment. Their town was hardly normal – a fact which they two knew better than most – but this was strange even by Storybrooke’s standards. Before they could even begin to voice their concerns, though, a cloud of violet steam swept in from the ceiling. Belle bravely braced her hands around the handle again when Regina appeared on Gold’s desk, rubbing her temples as if to fight away a migraine. 

“Regina,” he sneered. “Whatever are you doing here?”

“Mother.”

She didn’t even look up. But then, she didn’t have to. Those two syllables were more than enough to spur everyone into action.

“What has she done now?” Gold asked, already planning the quickest routes to each of his potions and implements. “Is it another curse?”

“She brought more monsters,” Regina groaned. “And do you know which world she brought them from?”

Mr. Gold opened his mouth to bite “no”, but the significant glare in his pupil’s eye made him rethink it. Monsters… a blue freak with a long nose… exploding honeydew melons…

“Oh no!” 

Much to everyone’s surprise, his proclamation was followed by a gut-busting laugh instead of absolute terror. 

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” he roared, holding his chest to keep from falling as he laughed. “She stole my travelling logs, didn’t she?”

“Rum?” Belle asked at his side, concern obvious in her voice. For her, he managed to shake off his fit of the giggles, and gave her a reassuring grin before returning smugly to Regina. 

“Oh, don’t mind her, sweetheart,” he smirked. “She’s just upset that to have been outdivad by pork. Or is it her froggy suitor you’re more concerned about, dearie? I must admit he’s a fair better fencer than Charming.”

Belle might’ve been relieved, but she shared the rest of the room’s confusion. And that innate wariness was only made worse when a mop of pinkish purple hair suddenly skittered into the room, dragging a foldable drum set with him.

“What is that!?” Ruby shrieked, looking at its wide-set mouth. 

Neither Regina nor Rumple answered – they both knew the creature would take care of it himself.

“An-i-mal! An-i-mal!” it chanted loudly. “Animal eat drum!”

The thing’s teeth pierced through one of the cymbals. It shook the metal plate rapidly around its head looking like a very odd dog with an equally odd Frisbee. 

“Gold?” Whale whispered, as if too afraid to speak any louder. ”What is that?”

Gold chuckled, a brief thing filled with humor at the room’s expense. ”I think he already answered the question for you, dearie.”

Animal abruptly stopped, throwing the cymbal to the floor with an earsplitting clang. 

“No, no,” it chastised slowly, laying its fuzzy hands on the metal surface. ”Animal beat drum!” 

Gold silenced the little mutation a moment before it slammed it’s head into the canvas, jumping up and down on each drum hard enough to send it sprawling to the floor. 

“I should’ve destroyed that damned thing,” Gold sighed. ”Ah well - you live, you learn. I suppose I’d best round them all up and send them back. Their world has something to do with sunflower seeds, correct?”

Regina pursed her lips, apparently readying herself to correct him, but, yet again, they were interrupted. Again, Gold just managed to reign himself in - it really was money down the drain when he’d bought his “CLOSED” sign. 

“Rumplestiltskin!” Leroy guffawed, pickaxe hefted over his shoulder. ”I don’t usually like what you do, but this is the best thing ever! That pig with the wig just bitch slapped Hook for calling her fat!”

“He hasn’t done anything, it’s my mother,” Regina huffed. Ruby shot her a judging glare but turned to Gold before she could notice. 

“Where’s Cora? We need to put a stop to this!”

Dr. Whale surged forward yet again. “Has anyone seen Jefferson!?”

Gold tossed his head back in frustration. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m just wondering if he’s taken a trip to Wonderland recently,” Victor shrugged. He probably meant to look nonchalant, but he looked more the mad scientist with his wide eyes and wild hair. “You know, picked up some mushrooms, made us all high?” 

He opened his mouth to reply, about to suggest that the doctor might’ve imbibed too much of his brew instead, when a wave of blue light crossed the room. Everyone, Regina included, backed toward the door when Cora materialized, a force made of nothing but rage. 

And she wasn’t alone – a monster, covered in thick brown hair with large roving eyes and fangs that protruded its upper lip, hulked over her shoulder like an absurd body guard. 

Cora pointed an unpainted finger – oddly subtle in comparison to her daughter’s talons – directly at Rumplestiltskin’s face. “Kill. Him.”

The monster – and Gold remembered him even if he couldn’t place the name – hunkered down to fit under the roof. “Is that the guy you were telling me about?” he asked gruffly. 

Cora only gave a curt nod in reply. It turned back to Gold and Belle, eyes growing wider if that was even possible. He rushed them before either could move, surprisingly fast for his bulk and awkward posture. Gold prepared for the worst, pulling his magic to the ready, and stood sturdy as a boulder in its path. 

Or he did, until the thing picked him and Belle up, one in each arm, and squeezed them tight to his hairy chest. 

“What are you doing!?” Cora roared. Gold quickly freed a hand to cast a bubble over her, which Regina thankfully took over when he couldn’t move anything past his elbow. Rumple growled – he didn’t much like being hugged to begin with, and he certainly didn’t make exceptions for puppet monsters.. 

Belle choked somewhere to his left, hands groping for his amidst the monster’s fur. “You aren’t going to kill us?”

Thankfully, it chose that moment to let them go. Gold hefted himself to his feet, pushing Belle behind him for protection as he raised his cane. It – Sweetums, Gold’s brain finally supplied – batted the rod away with a look of absolute bewilderment.

“Kill you? Are you kidding? I love you guys!”

Mr. Gold looked at Dr. Whale around the thing’s giant bulk. Maybe he’d been onto something after all. A call to Jefferson certainly couldn’t hurt, at any rate. 

“CROCODILE!” a voice roared, making all the glass in the pawnshop shake. “If this pig slaps me again, I’ll stuff apples down both your gullets and roast you over a spit!”

“Excusez moi? I am a world-renowned actrise, not a table ornament! At least the other pirates had some manners!”

“What, did they ask you ‘baked or broiled’ first?” the captain sneered.

Something very round and very pink vaulted past the window with a bellowed “HEEEEY-YAAAAH!” Gold couldn’t quite see to the street, but it wasn’t hard to guess what was happening based on Hook’s muffled curses and shouts of “Get off!” Leroy winked at his reflection in the glass door as he took Ruby’s iphone and set it to record.

For the first time in twenty-years, Rumple felt one of his old manic giggles rise out of his mouth. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to keep them around for a few more days, either…


End file.
